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"The
Unknown Witnesses"
Written
by Fred Passmore and Jon Lawhon Copyight 2003
(Adapted from our national one-minute radio program, "You Gotta Laugh!")
Click here to listen to the radio version!
(Play the Skit Bits music open as the players come onto the stage and take their positions.)
(If you are using the Supplemental Skit Trax CD, begin
Track #34, the standard skitbit open music.)
(Both characters walk onstage from opposite directions and meet in the middle. GUY #1 has a box with a number of items in it.)
GUY #1: Hey, man! Ready to go?
GUY #2: Sure am! We're going...
BOTH: WITNESSING!
(They high-five each other and laugh idiotically.)
GUY #1: Okay, let's make sure we have everything we need. (He puts down the box and pulls out a piece of paper, handing it to the other guy.) Why don't you read over the checklist?
GUY#2: (Taking the paper.) You got it! First on the list of essential items for witnessing... a steak!
(Guy #1 reaches into the box and takes out fake plastic steak, like a rubber dog chew toy.)
GUY#1: Check! No guard dog will be able to resist this juicy morsel.
GUY#2: I can hardly resist it myself! Next, neighborhood map.
(He puts the steak back into the box and brings out a map, which unfolds as he does. He opens it up to show.)
GUY#1: Right here! We won't get lost like last time. Uh... (Fumbling with it, he cannot get it folded back right.)
GUY #2: Aw, man! You shouldn't have unfolded it. Here, let me try. (He takes the map and tries it, then, in frustration, he crumples it into a little ball, then drops it back into the box.) There, that does it. Next, the boombox with Christian Hip Hop?
(GUY #1 pulls a boombox out of the box, and presses "play." Music blasts forth.)
GUY #1: Check! (He breaks into a few rap moves with the music as his partner looks on skeptically.) Word up!
GUY#2: (pause) Uh...okay. But please cut it off for now. If they know we're coming, they'll pretend they're not home, like we do with the Jehovah's Witnesses.
GUY #1: (Shuts off the boombox.) Right, we have to sneak up on them!
GUY#2: And, last but not least on the list, our sacks of tracts!
GUY #1: (straining, he lifts a plastic bag full of paper) Right... (dropping it on his pal's foot.) ...here!
GUY #2: (Screams and hops on one foot, holding the other in pain.) Aaaaarrggh!
GUY#1: Oh, man! Sorry! Didn't see your foot there.
GUY#2: (Recovering.) Wait... there's something not on the list that we're forgetting, I know it.
GUY#1: (After a pause.) Oh, I remember! The paper bags! (He takes a couple of brown paper bags out, with eye holes cut in them.)
GUY#2: Of course! We can't forget the paper bags to put over our heads!
(They both take a bag and slide it over their heads.)
GUY#1: Yeah, otherwise all our friends would recognize us!
(They go to high-five each other again and miss.)
GUY #1: I can't see too well... (Groping about and stumbling into his buddy.)
GUY #2 : Me neither! Hey, watch where you're going! (They run into each other, trip over things, fall, drop their stuff, etc, as they try to feel their way offstage.)
(If you are using the Supplemental Skit Trax CD, begin
Track #35, the standard skitbit close music.)
(Music out: "Skit Bits Music Close" )
BOTH: Oof! Ouch! Look out! Whoops! I can't see! (Etc...)
END
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