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Assignment: Hindrance!
by Fred Passmore
copyright 2003

Synopsis: This script is a sequel to "Assignment: Witness." However, it can stand alone. Two demons stop to chat on the way to "work." One is cheerful, the other tired, bandaged and depressed. The cheerful one has been assigned to a wordly, carnal Christian, and he is right at home. He has an easy job. The other has been assigned to a believer that is spiritual and active, and has a tough job. They talk about things that their charges do that shed light on the right and wrong way to live for the Lord.

Characters: Scuzzy and Sleazy, two demons. Mark and Tabitha, the two young Christians.

Costumes: All black for the demons, with each wearing horns (you can get them a party stores, especially near Halloween; they are like headbands with horns on the top.) Plastic pitchforks are an optional, but fun, accessory prop for each. The Sleazy character is bandaged up and is on crutches.

Setting: A park bench in town.

"Assignment: Hindrance!"

(If you are using the Supplemental Skit Trax CD, begin Track #26, the skit open music.)

(Funky music open brings on a demon, Scuzzy. He is happy, snapping his fingers, and walking with a definite swagger. He meets in the middle of the stage with another demon, Sleazy, who is in bad shape, limping on crutches.)

Scuzzy: (Jovially.) Hey, Sleazy! Long time no see!

Sleazy: (Depressed.) Oh, hey, Scuzzy. What's up?

Scuzzy: Dude, I've had a great week, and I'm on top of the world. But what happened to you? You look like you wrestled with a rottweiller and lost!

Sleazy: (With feeling.) Oh, I only wish. What I've been through is much worse.

Scuzzy: (Cheerfully, he indicates a bench.) Well, take a load off, ol' pal, and tell me all about it!

(They sit down, with Sleazy taking extra care as he sits down gingerly.)

Sleazy: Oh, my aching behind! I just got it kicked royally.

Scuzzy: (Breezily.) Man, I can sympathize with ya there. I've had it happen too many times to count. But here lately, I've been livin' on easy street.

Sleazy: Huh. Wish I could trade places with you. Heaven, I'd trade places with a sewer rat to get outta my mess.

Scuzzy: (Laughs.) Last I heard, you were assigned to Joe Gunderson. Sounds like a cushy job to me, why so depressed?

Sleazy: (Leans forward with his elbows on his knees and clasps his hands, downcast.) Yeah, I was with Joe, and we had a lotta fun. I stayed with him all the way to the end, but then, at the last minute, he meets up with Mark Summers and boom! He gets saved in spite of everything I could do! I used every trick in the bag. But that Mark, he was on fire, full of the Word, and there's no defense against that kind.

Scuzzy: Oh, you said it, buddy. I hate it when I run up against them. Lucky for us, they're few and far between.

Sleazy: Thank Hell for that. Otherwise, we'd all be in deep sulphur.

Scuzzy: So what happened when you lost Joe? I'll bet there was the Devil to pay.

Sleazy: You ain't kiddin. I had to spend a whole month inside Marilyn Manson. (He shudders.) Talk about overcrowded living conditions!

Scuzzy: Satan's Slum, they call it. That's skid row for us poor demons.

Sleazy: But at least there I had lots of company. Now, I'm all alone.

Scuzzy: So, what assignment did you get after losing Joe? It hadda be a tough one.

Sleazy: Tough ain't the word for it, Scuzzy. The Boss has a really sick, twisted sense of humor, let me tell ya. He put me on Hindrance Detail and assigned me to Mark Summers himself!

Scuzzy: (Horrified.) No! That's terrible! (Then smiles evilly.) Not to mention wickedly ironic!

Sleazy: I begged, I pleaded, I groveled in the filth, but it didn't make a difference. I got the detail, and ever since my life has been a hell on earth! (He puts his head in his hands, shaking it in defeat and sorrow.)

Scuzzy: Aw, you poor little devil. (Patting him on the back, he pulls away his hand when Sleazy winces at the pain it causes.) Sorry. Well, I'm glad I'm not in your hooves. I'd wouldn't trade my assignment for all the porn in California.

Sleazy: (Looking back up and wiping his eyes.) Tell me about it, maybe it will cheer me up.

Scuzzy: (Enthusiastically.) It is such a sweet setup! I've been assigned to a girl named Tabitha Tonkers.

Sleazy: Tabitha Tonkers? From Yonkers? But, I thought she was a believer!

Scuzzy: She is! I got assigned to hinder and trip her up right after she got saved. Usually, that's a real bear, but fortunately she cooled off real quick and I'm keeping her lukewarm. Hardly ever picks up a Bible, still hanging around with all her old friends, still listens to the same hellish music, and I've even got her to skip church a couple of times recently to go to the movies!

Sleazy: (Holds up his hand for Scuzzy to high-five, with a slight grin.) You lucky dog!

(Scuzzy high-fives him too hard, and Sleazy recoils in pain, holding his arm. Scuzzy doesn't even notice.)

Scuzzy: You ain't heard the best of it yet! I just got her introduced to another of my assignments, Harry Flanagan. He's more like a pupil really; one of my best investments. He's a real sinner, and she's fallin' for him like a ton of bricks!

Sleazy: You got her now. That almost always works! If you can't keep them from getting saved, at least hinder them with a pagan spouse!

Scuzzy: Yeah, and this dude is a dream date. Lucky for me, she don't know just how quickly it will become a nightmare, once I get them married! Then I can bother them both, without having to split up my time! What a racket, huh? (He laughs gleefully and claps his hands in happiness.)

Sleazy: (Also laughs, but then winces and grabs his side in pain.) Man, that's so good, that almost makes me forget my troubles.

Scuzzy: You look like you went through a meat grinder.

Sleazy: That's not far from the truth! I chipped a horn, and my tail is broke in three places.

Scuzzy: What happened to cause all this injury? Did you try to push too hard?

Sleazy: No, I know how dangerous that is. It was just last night. It started out small. Mark was surfing the internet, looking for some devotionals for his Sunday school class.

Scuzzy: Oh, the internet. What a great opportunity for temptation! No-one around to see, no accountability...

Sleazy: Exactly! What better time to try a little tempting? Not a big temptation, mind you, just a little one.

Scuzzy: They're the best kind! I'd rather use one little one than a hundred big ones. Much more effective.

Sleazy: Usually, that's true. But you don't know this Mark. I put a little suggestion in his ear, no harm there, I thought. But then, it got... nasty.

Scuzzy: I thought that's what you wanted!

Sleazy: Nasty for me, not for him! He suddenly realized what I was doing, and started resisting me in the Name!

Scuzzy: Ouch. That stings like the Word.

Sleazy: But that wasn't enough for him, no sir. He puts on some Christian music, and starts worshiping the Lord!

Scuzzy: (Shaking his head in sympathy.) Sounds like a day from Heaven. Terrible!

Sleazy: It only got worse. Suddenly, to add injury to insult, his angel came on the scene, and before I could hightail it out of there, he grabs me by the neck and starts using me for a punching bag!

Scuzzy: Don't you hate it how they fight the believer's battles for them? It just kills me.

Sleazy: That wasn't the end of it! Before he leaves he stuffs me down the garbage disposal and turns it on! (Breaks down and begins to sob.) I was all tore up about it!

Scuzzy: Well, cheer up, Sleazy. You won't have to deal with his like too much longer.

Sleazy: That's the only thing that keeps me hanging on, knowing they'll all be gone soon, and the boss will take over.

Scuzzy: By the way, where is your assignment? Shouldn't you be on the job?

Sleazy: I am, I was just taking a break. You can only take so much spirituality before it starts to make you sick. He's in the Christian bookstore, here. Should be out any minute.

Scuzzy: (With sudden alarm, sitting up and gesturing to the door.) This bookstore?

Sleazy: Yeah. So what?

Scuzzy: (Clapping his hand to his forehead in panic.) MY assignment just went in there a few minutes ago to buy a present for her mother!

Sleazy: Where's the harm in that? She probably won't get anything for herself.

(Scuzzy whacks him on his poor bandaged head, with the plastic pitchfork if used, causing Sleazy to yelp and nearly fall over in agony.)

Scuzzy: You idiot! What if she runs into your fellow, Mark? He's dangerous!

Sleazy: (Grimacing and holding his head.) Well, Mark does like to witness and talk about the Lord. It's one of the reasons I hate being around him so much.

Scuzzy: (Jumping up, worried.) This could be bad. I need to get in there and make sure they don't start talking. (He begins to go in the store, but suddenly Mark comes out with Tabitha, and they are talking. Scuzzy backs up in horror.) OH, NO! I'm too late!

(Sleazy limps over on his crutches and he and Scuzzy stand beside the door and watch the interaction between their assignments. Scuzzy is particularly antsy. Sleazy watches with a little satisfaction.)

Mark: So, Tabitha, glad to hear you're going to church.

Tabitha: Well, Momma is always going, so I go with her when I can.

Mark: Stick with it, it will make a difference in your Christian walk. Speaking of which, if you read that book I recommended, it will really encourage you.

Tabitha: (Lifting the bag she brought out.) I will. Well, I gotta run. It was nice talking to you again.

Mark: Where you headed? There's a youth service tonight, we'll be doing some skits, and after, we'll have some pizza. Why don't you come?

Tabitha: (Hesitant.) I'm suppposed to meet with Harry and we're going to the mall...

Mark: Harry? Does he go to your church?

Tabitha: Uh, no... I met him at the movies. But he's cool.

Mark: Is he saved?

Tabitha: Well, not really. But I'm working on him.

Mark: If you're not careful, he'll work on you, and pull you away from following the Lord.

Tabitha: No way! We're just having fun, nothing serious. But I have invited him to church.

Mark: Hey... why don't you bring him to the youth service? He'd like the skits, I know. Maybe the Lord would use them to reach him.

(Scuzzy makes a grimace of fear and grabs Sleazy in terror. Sleazy winces in pain.)

Scuzzy: Oh, no! It's just what I was afraid of!

Tabitha: That's a good idea! I think he'd come to something like that. Some comedy, some pizza, and then...

Mark: BAM! He gets the Word!

Scuzzy: And then, BAM! I get the boot! (He grabs Sleazy by the collar and snarls in his face.) This is all your fault! (He starts shaking Sleazy and pounding him with frustration.)

Tabitha: (Laughing.) I'll do it! Thanks for the invitation, I'll see you there tonight with Harry. (They walk off in different directions.)

Sleazy: (In more pain from Scuzzy's shaking him.) Ow, ow, ow! Why is it my fault? She's your assignment, you should have stuck with her when she went in there! Hell-oooo, it's a Christian bookstore, you should have known she'd get into trouble!

(In a fit of rage, Scuzzy kicks the crutches out from under his former pal, making him fall to the ground.)

Scuzzy: (Looking down at him as he groans in pain, Scuzzy points in accusation.) You distracted me with all your whining! What makes you think I care about your stupid problems? I have problems of my own to worry about!

Sleazy: (Through the pain.) Then you'd better get back on the case, gargoyle-face, before the Boss gets on yours!

Scuzzy: (He runs off after his assignment, biting his nails and whimpering.) Maybe I can still do something before it's too late...

Sleazy: (To himself, as he gets up and gets back on his crutches.) That's what happens when a Christian is on fire for the Lord, it ignites all those around him. (Laughs a little.) Heh. Maybe it was worth it just to see that little imp Scuzzy get his. One thing I can say for Mark, he's dependable. If I didn't hate him so much, I'd actually be proud of him! (He limps off after Mark, a little happier.) Oh, that made my day. Hee, hee, hee!

(Begin Track #27, the Close music.)

(Leaves stage to the same funky music that brought on the other demon.)

The End

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