This show-within-a-show story centers around the production of the live children's radio program "Cowboy Carl and Pal, the Wonder Dog." The radio announcer that does the voice of Pal the talking dog can only deliver his lines when speaking through the dog puppet, even though it's on radio and only he and the show's host will see the puppet. During the live broadcast of the annual Christmas special, a personal conflict between them behind the scenes spills over into the actual program, with hilarious -and ultimately touching- results. Approximate performance time: 10 minutes.

This is a "high concept" skit in that it is a step removed from a straightforward puppet show, but includes a puppet character. It portrays two radio personalities doing a radio show as part of the skit. (Imagine a TV show about actors doing a TV show, to get the idea.) The audience gets to enjoy a puppet show in a manner of speaking, by seeing behind the scenes of a live radio program., as done in the 1950's during the heyday of live radio. The subtle layering of humor, message and "outside the box" writing will appeal to the audience that seeks a bit more sophistication in their sketch comedy than is usually apparent in the average skit, where the punch line is delivered with a heavy hand and the actors "freeze" in place at the end. (Long-time church drama directors are probably familiar with the type.) The actors here are portraying characters that portray characters, in the radio show within the live show! A challenge that will be fun for any talented performer.

The skit performers will have an advantage, in that they will not be required to memorize all their lines, since the script calls for them to read the lines for the radio broadcast from a script! But it will take some good timing and rehearsal to make it work and be believable.

(Note: to assist the actors in differentiating the lines that they are to deliver as part of the "radio script" and those that that need to deliver in character, their "radio script" lines are color-coded. CARL's radio script lines are in red, HARRY as PAL's "radio script" lines are in blue. These colors will help them keep track of which lines they are supposed to be following from the radio script as their characters "do the show.")

The actors and the sound engineer will almost be given the experience of producing a live radio program as they do it for the skit. The sound engineer offstage will be cued at various times by the actors to supply a sound effect, and will need to play the continuous atmosphere effects during the show. It will be a fun exercise in working together, and maybe give them a taste of live radio! By the way, this is a script that I wrote specifically for Jon and I to perform. So, it's important that your two players work together well and have a stage chemistry that comes across as good friends despite any friction there may be between them in the script.

The theme of the skit, as in the script for the radio show, is that reconciliation must take place between believers with a conflict, before either of them can effectively offer their gift of service to the Lord. The tensions running high behind the scenes parallel the script that they are reading, although neither realizes till later that the answer to their problem is literally right in front of them, and is in fact being read by them.

This illustrates how we all sometimes try to tell others the way to live, according to the scriptures, but miss the message as it applies to our own lives and situations.

However, you will also need someone offstage at a microphone to cue them about air time. This character is listed as VOICE in the script. The few lines should be delivered low-key, as if bored.

Carl, the host of his own national radio show, is a gregarious, confident guy whose every word shows that he is "in charge." He likes to rib his partner about his dependancy on a hand puppet to deliver his lines in character, yet he wears his cowboy hat during the show as if making a live appearance. This demonstrates a bit of hypocrisy and blindness to his own idiosyncrasies.

Although he tries to embarrass Harry out of treating the dog puppet as a third person, he himself later treats it as a real live entity and directs his anger toward it in his frustration over Harry's use of it to humiliate him on the air. This is where most of the humor originates as he begins to act if it's as real a person as Harry does. Carl, while not a bad sort, learns that his acting superior to others can cause a summering resentment that will often overflow and affect their work and ministry.

Harry, the voice of Pal the canine sidekick, enjoys using his talents for the Lord and to entertain, but is somewhat defensive when questioned about his need to have the character on his hand to be able to muster that character's voice and personality. His background of church puppetry, using his voice and acting ability, is what led to his current radio position. But he can't separate the two, and is having trouble dealing with his somewhat egotistical partners jokes at his expense. This frustration leads him to voice his thoughts using the puppet in the one situation where he feels Carl will listen to him. However, his revenge by turning the tables on Carl causes him to lose sight of the one thing most important to him; pleasing the Lord.

Dog hand puppet, large cowboy hat, small suitcase or sachel, handkerchief, a large self-stick Christmas bow, two copies of this script.

SOUNDTRACK CD INFO

NOTE: Your actors deliver the dialog and you play the background music and effects tracks as listed in the script to enhance your performance.

Soundtrack: As always, the specially-recorded soundtrack will make your performance of this skit script much funnier, professional, and effective. The soundtrack for this skit supplies the tracks called for in the script below: #11-18, a total of 8 cuts. It is on our Triple Feature Combo Package #3 CD, along with "The Great Church Robbery," and "Live From Downtown." You may order it now for $20 plus $1.50 shipping on the Soundtracks Page, or add it to your shopping cart by clicking here.

Note: This script soundtrack is written only for live performance and does not come with a completely-produced recorded version with all the voices of all the character's lines (as some do, which are adapted from our comedy albums). You supply the live performance and dialog and use the music tracks as listed in the script to enhance your performance.

All orders are mailed the next business day after getting them, if not the same day!

Getting started late? No problem! Like with all the soundtrack CDs, you can get an MP3 download for free when ordering the physical CD.

LIVE OUTSIDE THE U.S.? I am now offering a "Download Only" option. Go to this page for details.

Got a question about using a soundtrack? Go here and found out why you should!

Carl and Harry enter the stage from opposite directions. Harry is carrying a small suitcase or satchel and script. Carl wears a cowboy hat and is carrying a script.

CARL: Hey, Harry! Well, what do you think of the script for our big annual Holiday special?

HARRY: You had to go and tell everybody, didn’t you? We talked about it and you promised not to tell. But you just had to go do it!

HARRY: In that TV interview about our special yesterday. You went and told everybody I use a puppet when I do Pal’s voice on the air!

CARL: I just told them you used it. I didn’t tell them the rest of the story: that you couldn’t even DO the voice without it! Now, that’s weird!

HARRY: I used to do church puppet shows for years before I got into radio, and I need one to get into character!

CARL: Harry, I play a cowboy but I don’t need a horse and a six-shooter to act like one on the radio! It’s all imaginary!

HARRY: He's real to the millions of kids that listen to him every week on the show. To make him come to life, I just need a little help!

HARRY: Pal, who else! I left him in here after last week’s show, just like always!

CARL: Well, maybe he’s out chasing a car. Or burying a bone, like all puppet dogs like to do!

CARL: This is for your own good, Harry. You've got to break this dependence on an inanimate piece of cloth to get into character!

(Harry sits down and leans to the mic, straining to speak. His veins bulge as he attempts to speak.)

(As the voice counts down, Carl pulls out the puppet from beneath the table where it was hidden and puts in on Harry's hand. The puppet Pal looks at Carl and speaks in its character voice, which is different from his normal voice. The player should experiment during rehearsal to determine the most effective type of voice for the dog puppet character.)

(Use cassette tape made of Track # 19, for background sound effects of crickets, cows and campfire. This plays only during the "on air" sequences... during the commercial break, it should be faded out and paused, then started back and faded up when they come back after the "HasBeen Toys" break.)

CARL: (delivering the lines from the radio script: this will help the actor by having this script in front of him) Howdy, parters! It’s Christmas Eve here on the Radio Ranch, and we’re out on the range, under the starry night sky. We got us a campfire goin' to keep us warm, and now we're doing some decoratin. 'Course, we don’t have many fir trees out here on the desert, so I’m decoratin’ a cactus!

(sings this line) “O Cactus Tree, O Cactus tree, how prickly are yore branches!”

You know, Sometimes we fergit all about the one whose birthday we’re celebratin! But, some cowpoke might say, “What could you give to the Lord He don’t have already? Well, first, He wants your heart. Not just a little sliver, but the whole shebang. Then, you can show Him your love by lovin’ others. (with raised voice, off to the side of the mic.) Hey, Pal! Come over here and give me a paw with this! (Back into the mic.) But, the Bible says in Matthew 5:23: “Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.”

Today, we’re gonna be talkin’ about how we can make God happy with our gifts. Hey, here's Pal, the Wonder Dog! Kids, everybody say "hiya, Pal" to my little buddy! One, two, three... (He leads the radio audience - and the live audience watching the skit- in the chorus) Hiya, Pal!

(Harry delivers Pal's lines into the mic, and manipulates the puppet between them to say the same lines, as if the radio viewers can see the puppet. Of course, the audience viewing this skit can. Harry and Carl rarely look at each other when "on-air" delivering the scripted lines, but do when actually addressing each other apart from their "radio script.")

CARL: Why, Pal, whatsa matter, fella? You look sadder than a sidewinder dragged in a straight line.

CARL: Hey, it can’t be that bad! Tell me what’s eatin’ at ya, maybe I can help!

CARL : Pal, that's not true. I'll always be your best buddy. And if you tell me what's troubling you, we'll be even better friends.

CARL: (Glancing at Harry, with some emphasis to show he wants to drop it) I said I promise, Pal. (sweetly again) Now, how can anyone be sad on Christmas Eve, the night our Savior Jesus Christ was born? This should be the happiest night of the year!

CARL: (Clears throat, pronounces each word distinctly and pointedly) I said, what has caused you to be so sad on Christmas Eve?

(Pal is silent. Real irritation is beginning to show in Carl’s eyes and he waves his hand in front of the Harry’s face.)

(He flicks the puppet in the head with his finger as if to get Harry’s attention.)

CARL: (Indicating the script to Harry) You were going to say something, remember?

(Carl makes an angry face and compresses his lips together at this continued deviation from the script. He takes out a handkerchief and mops his brow with it. Putting it back in his pocket,Carl makes an effort to remain in character.)

CARL: (Obviously ad-libbing, his delivery is less than smooth) Uh... sure you can trust me, Pal. We gotta trust each other to be friends!

PAL: (In accusing tones) Like I trusted you to keep a personal secret, hmmm?

CARL: Let’s not spoil the holiday by bringing up the past. Some things are better left unsaid, don’t you agree?

PAL: Yeah, that's just what I said to you last week. But then old blabbermouth goes and spills his guts out!

CARL: (Nervously looking offstage at their soundman, he motions him to run a sound effect as a distraction.) Boy, listen to those prairie dogs howl!

(Carl squeezes the puppet's mouth shut with his fingers and pulls it near, while covering his mic with the other hand. In his anxiety he directs his words to the puppet rather than to Harry.)

CARL: (In quiet but urgent tones) Stuff a sock in it, you little twerp! I'm tellin' ya...just drop it for now and finish the show, okay? ( He does a double-take as he realises what he is doing and shoots a sharp look instead at Harry, who grins sardonically) And stick to the script, for cryin' out loud!

CARL: (Hopefully, back in mic) Now, tell me what’s eatin’ at ya, little buddy. Maybe I can help you!

PAL: (Completely back in character) Well, I wanted to give a present to Jesus but I just don’t feel like I can.

PAL: I don’t think Jesus would be happy with it right now. I guess you don’t know what it’s like to feel like that, you’re so good all the time.

CARL: That’s because I’ve accepted God’s gift of salvation through Jesus. But I’ve got my share of things in my life that Jesus and I are still working on.

CARL: Well, the Bible does say to confess our faults to one another. My problem is that sometimes I forget to do things that I should.

PAL: (Harry is no longer looking at his script but is once again taking verbal jabs at Carl) Like forgetting not to have... loose lips? Flapping gums? Jabberjaws? A...big mouth? A...wagging tongue?

(Carl jabs his finger out at the puppet like he is thrusting with a sword. He yells at Harry but is directing it at the puppet in his anger and humiliation.)

CARL: (shouting) You just wouldn't drop it, wouldja? You hadda get me on the air and embarrass me to death!

PAL : Hey, fair is fair, you grandstanding bushwhacker! You embarrassed me by shooting off your mouth to everybody! Looks to me like you can dish it out but you can't take it, you...you... JUDAS!

(Carl loses it and grabs the puppet by the tongue. It shrieks in overdone protest.)

PAL: (trying to talk with a mouthful of Carl’s fingers) Aaak! Help! (Pulling free) Help! He's gonna break my little body! (to Carl) You big bully! Pick on someone your equal...like a turkey buzzard!

(Carl throttles the puppet with both hands, shaking him violently. Pal struggles, choking and squealing in a shrill voice.

CARL: You miserable little whiner! (pulls Pal off Harry’s hand and flails it around) I'll wring your skinny little neck! Get me on the air and humiliate me, willya!

HARRY: (in mic, in his regular radio voice, calmly with folded hands) We’ll be right back with more holiday joy after this important message from our sponsor! (He nods offstage at the sound man as he says the last few words to cue him.)

(Harry looks at Carl who is still strangling and pounding the puppet, while its head is flopping back and forth limply. Harry contentedly watches Carl, who slowly winds down his assault on Pal, realizing what’s happening.)

HARRY: (Trying to keep a straight face) Now, you two, what's the problem here?

(Carl looks down at his hands as if they had betrayed him. He lowers them, his anger gone. He begins to laugh at himself.)

CARL: Uh...nothing. Just a little misunderstanding between... (He looks up at Harry) ...friends?

HARRY: I'm sorry, man. I had no right to air our problems in front of everyone. I just wanted to show you how it felt, and I apologize.

CARL: Hey, Harry, I'm sorry that I hurt you too. I was wrong by telling the world about your secret when you asked me to keep it quiet, and then I was too insensitive to have any regard for your feelings. Will you forgive me?

(They shake with real feeling. Harry picks up the beaten Pal and places it back on his hand and Pal looks at Carl.)

PAL: What about me? I'm the one you were poundin' on like I was a gunny sack full of rats!

CARL: (grinning, he actually addresses the puppet, to indicate to Harry his acceptance of the Pal as a real character, important to the show.) Sorry about that, sport. I wasn't really mad at you, but sometimes the truth hurts.

PAL: Tell me about it! Even my fleas are sore. (pauses, looks down, then back up contritely) I’m sorry too, Carl. (then motions with head back toward Harry, quickly) But he made me say it!

CARL: (affectionately mussing the fur on Pal's head) Forget about it. Now what do you say we finish this radio show!

CARL: (ad-libbing to cover up what was said before the break) We’re back with the Cowboy Carl and Pal the Wonder Dog Christmas Special! And we just fought off that mean nasty wolf, Old Scratch himself, who came in to the camp and tried to mess things up between me and Pal. But that varmit's on the run with the firebrand of God’s Word on his mangy tail and won’t be back to bother us anymore! (waving his hat in the air with a shout) YEEHAH!

PAL: (howls with triumph) Aroooooooooo! (then pants happily in mic as Carl continues)

CARL: (back to looking at the script for the lines) You see, folks, it’s so much better to have things clear between you and someone you have something against. It just feels good to make up and be friends again... like Pal and me. And that’s the way Jesus wants it, too. Remember the scripture we read at the beginning of the program? I’ll read it again... Matthew:5:23: Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift. (Carl pauses and he and Harry glance at each other. )

CARL: (softly, off mic) Whoa... Deja vu! (back on mic, in character) Well, pardners, that's just what we did today. We cleared the air betwixt us, and now we can get on with what The Good Lord wants us to do: round up the strays and bring 'em into God's herd! Right, Pal?

PAL: I think I can give my gift to the Lord now. You know, the one I couldn’t give before!

PAL: (Ducking down under the table, where Harry places a large self-sticking Christmas bow on his head. The puppet pops back up and shouts:) "ME! I gave Him my heart a little while back, but now I want Him to have all of me there is!"

CARL: Pal, that really warms the ole ticker. (blows nose into handkerchief) And you know, Pal, that's what He want the most. All of us that there is! And I bet all the kids out there in the listening audience want to do that too, just like you did. Don't you, kids?

CARL: That's a great idea, partner! Go ahead! (He leans back and points at the offstage soundman to cue the music for Pal.)

PAL: (singing with the music) "We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas..."

CARL: (singing himself, and saying after a few lines of the song) Come on, everybody, join in! (Encourages the audience to sing along.)

CARL: (after the song is over) Well, that’s pretty much it for our this year's Christmas special. And just remember, that your best gift to God is to love Him with all your heart...and then, love each other as He loves us. Goodnight, kids! Merry Christmas to all...

PAL: And to all, a good... bite! (Pal grabs Carl’s hat and shakes it around in his mouth, then Harry runs off stage with it in Pal's teeth.

CARL: Gimme back my hat, you rascally hat rustler, you! (Runs off after "them," as his shouts for Pal to come back trail off in the distance. Pal can be heard barking playfully also as the music comes UP AND OUT.)

(Inform me of your intention to use this script, or tell me what you thought of it, by going to the Contact Fred page of this site.)

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